10 Reasons Why You Might Still Be Single

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G. Ann Wilkerson outlines ten reasons why a woman might still be single, pointing out blind spots and possible solutions. This is not an effort to blame women for their relationship status or assume that they want a man but an effort to encourage woman to close their eyes, open their minds, and lead with their heart.
You think all men are the same

This is a common mistake made by plenty of women. You date and date and get the same results then blame men for being all alike. But what you fail to realize is that the men weren’t all the same; the common denominator in each case was you. If you want to date differently, you need to behave differently. This doesn’t always require a “180,” but small adjustments sometimes yield major results.

Your priorities are all wrong

Every woman has a list. Some lists are short while others extensive. The problem isn’t with the existence of a list but the content within it. If you constructed your list with the goal of finding a mate with fame or a certain income level, you’re not only asking for trouble but1 limiting yourself to a very shallow, kiddy-sized pool. Let’s face it - you are not the only woman out there looking to date the next NFL super star or CEO. What about character, integrity, morals, etc.? Ask and you will receive. If you are dating him for superficial reasons, then why the heck do you think he’s dating you?

You play games... Too Many

You have a rule for everything. You say you don’t, but you really do. You remain mysterious because if you give too much, he’ll lose interest. Makes sense for the most part. And I must say, in many cases this technique gets results. But what happens six months down the line when you got him and he wants to meet the real you? Games are fun and a lot of men like to play them - temporarily. But can you have true love without vulnerability?

You’re still living in the past

He’s the man to whom all others will be compared. He was perfect. And you’re still beating yourself up because if only you or the circumstances had been different, you would still be together. I’m sorry to be brutal, but get over it. You are missing out on meeting someone new because you are stuck on someone that does not want you. If he did, he would be with you. Besides, if he was so perfect, he would have seen what a great catch you are but he didn’t. So tell me again why you are looking for someone exactly like him?

You have a closed mind

He must be this and he must do that. You know what you want and are determined to find him - no matter how many decent and eligible men you have to pass up to meet him. The problem is that he might not exist or just not mirror the picture you constructed in your mind. Listen - there is nothing wrong with wanting the best. That is if “best” means the best fit for you. Close your eyes, open your mind, and lead with your heart.

You don’t know how to be a friend

The basis for every relationship is a great friendship. And if you don’t know how to be friends first, the process of building a relationship is going to be extra hard. A wise man recently told me that the best way to bond with a man is to participate in an activity that you both equally enjoy, whether that’s going out to great restaurants, shopping, watching action movies, etc. Learning how to befriend a man is essential when it comes to learning how to communicate and emotionally support him in a relationship. Ask your guy friends and see if they agree. And if you don’t have any platonic male friends, then maybe you should start there.

You spend too much time with your single (and bitter) girlfriends

You are the company you keep. If your girlfriends are a bunch of miserable, man-hating, bitter females, then guess what? Nine times out of ten, you are too. Most of the time, these groups are formed when three or more women bond over shared experiences of heartache and the fear of being hurt again. It’s great to have a supportive group of female friends, essential even. But, it’s not ok to use them as a crutch that prevents you from moving on and meeting someone new. If you are really friends, you will encourage each other to get over your fears, grow, and take back your lives.

You’re in hiding

Just in case you didn’t know, outside of internet dating, it's nearly impossible to meet a man from your living room. Think back over the last four Friday nights. How many did you spend on your couch in front of the TV? If you have moved to finger number two, that may be two too many. Being single on a Friday (traditionally known as date night) does not mean that you should be alone. Get your girls (not the ones mentioned above) and go out. You never know, next Friday you just might have a date.

You want to be single (consciously or subconsciously)

You just might be her. The woman that is single, fabulous and loving it and that has little reason or desire to enter into a relationship or even meet someone. Or you’re like the majority of women that claim that they are happy being alone when, in reality, they are using the veil of the single and fabulous female to mask their fears of rejection, uncertainty and pain. Dating can be stressful, relationships can be painful and rejection/loss… well, is the worst. But, it’s a part of the growth process so be honest with yourself - are you really happy being alone?

You’re not ready

Most of us have some or a lot of growing to do before we can even think about being involved with someone else. If two or more of the above reasons describe you, add this one to the mix. Not being ready also appears in the form of neediness, desperation, serial dating, denial, having unrealistic expectations, etc. Most of us are just not ready. And there is nothing wrong with that. You just have to be honest about it. Take the time to learn and love you. Work on building healthy familial and platonic relationships. Only then, can you think about what you really want and need from a mate.

What do you think about G. Ann's list? Do you agree or disagree with the reasons she lays out? Let us know what's on your mind!

 

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